Fuck if I Know

The drinking began at noon. There was no stopping squirrel and me, we were on a train to Drunkenville and we weren't stopping until we hit belligerent.

The first game was to take a shot or rather, a "big gulp" of Smirnoff (there were no shot glasses in the house) when one of the characters on the Real World did or said something stupid. Well there were only 15 minutes left on the show but somehow each of us managed to take 5 big gulps before the show ended.

Apparently, the Real World centers around imbeciles...

Anyways, by the time we had finished our "adult drink" (it was really just straight vodka with apple juice chaser) We decided that we were in dire need of more. So we solicited squirrel's roommate.

Mission accomplished. We retrieved more good stuff, managed to run into a baby hippo and continued on our trip to wait for it... Drunkenville. For seasoned drinkers like squirrel and me, there was no way in hell 5 "big gulps" was going to get us belig.

The rest of the baby animals eventually flocked to squirrel's apartment and we no longer felt like alcoholics.

I mean you don't have a problem if you do it with other people, right? RIGHT.

The Bulls game was the source of our entertainment and we prematurely celebrated a Bulls win. A. We wanted to drink more. B. Who doesn't want to relive their childhood through watching the Bulls win the golden ticket.

My hopes and dreams were destroyed by the fucking Miami Heat. However, I consoled myself with the obnoxious amount of liquor in the apartment. The weed also helped.

As the lines between being socially acceptable and brazenly obnoxious blurred, I found myself in another apartment listening to a heated conversation about whether Drake will be remembered/considered a musical icon of our generation.

Of course, this generation in a lot of ways is despicable, however, I highly doubt that Aubrey Graham or "Jimmy" from the Canadian teen melodrama Degrassi, will be the Marvin Gaye or John Coltrane of this generation.

If he is, I will change my birthdate to some indiscriminate time in the 60s.

This day/night which consisted of consuming massive amounts of alcohol and cannabis, unlike Drizzy, (ugh typing his name is almost painful) IS a sufficient marker of our generation.

Yes, this rag tag clan of people I spend my time with do what people like Drake only try to do, they live life and conquer great feats.

In simpler terms, they Get Money, Fuck Bitches and best of all remain professional.

In the words of my idol, the gleaming, shinning, pinnacle, better yet ICON of his generation:

"After all we are professionals"

Long Live Hunter.

Slacker McSlacksalot

So, I'll admit it I have been neglecting Gone Gonzo and not for lack of news... there has been a lot of interesting news.

For instance, Rick Santorum one of the potential GOP nominees will have to explain why he and his wife took their dead baby home from the hospital to "play and cuddle" with their other children back in 2005. Not looking so good Rick.

Ah yes. I almost forgot the 21st was supposed to be the end of the world...a day of rapture for all the Heathen people of the world....hmmm well, considering it's May 23 and I'm sitting here writing, I guess Harold Camping the fringe CA preacher who predicted this day of doom will also have some explaining to do.

He has yet to come out publicly and justify why there were no devastating earthquakes wreaking havoc on the Western Hemisphere.

Sooo that does it for me and my first post of the summer. And if this summer was anything like last summer believe you me homie there will be a lot of interesting/slightly insane posts.

So buckle up fuckers it's going to be a wild ride.

Long Live Hunter.

Speedy Gonzalez

Woah, how'd this happen? Everything is speeding up and yet conspicuously slowing down. As the rambunctious silliness goes on upstairs and behind me, I am here writing a PR paper. Literally shit is falling out my ass right now, I never thought I was going to have to bullshit for 10 pages, but it's happening.

One of the other Hunters is sitting on the couch next to me, supposed to be upstairs....But here she is and here I am here with computers, listening to Sweet Emotion, not writing papers..

At least the party we went to wasn't horrific. Which is surprising considering the amount of fools they let in here. Seriously, buffoonery!

The plan was to work for an hour, which turned into watching The Real World, then go out to a party...then work at what is now 4:20am.

It really did sound like a good plan at the time. Don't ask what drugs we're taking, you don't want to know.

Am I really thinking about going to 420 fest to hear more dubstep? Yes, yes I am.

Highly functional drug addict is my name and apparently college is my game, or something.

This  is my brain

This is my brain on drugs.

----The Fashion Hunter-----

Mark Zuckerberg Controls the World

Don't you want to be his friend?

Radical, I know. But it's true.

I am, of course, assuming you've seen the countless 20/20 and CNBC news features on Zuckkers, he even has a David Fincher film all about his rise to Nerd fucking martyrdom.

Basically, this kid is the fucking icon of our generation and he controls the world.

Let's recount how I got started on this idea of Z-berg being the grand puppet-master. The process began whilst lying in bed thinking about what I accomplished, today, the wondrous day of April 12. The last thing I was proud of myself for doing was saving $50 on my lease beacuse I liked the housing company, on wait for it...Facebook.

That got me thinking, Facebook is an everyday part of my life and it is for almost everyone in the Western World.(you know everyone you know has one)

I see that little blue fucking f symbol on buses, billboards, booze, bitches, beer,booths, magazine ads, newspaper articles, TV commercials, signs, bills, and all the other bullshit I'm forgetting.

IT'S EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME

Which of course, is a direct correlation to the fact that Zukkers is everywhere all the time. His lust, perhaps vindictiveness, curiosity, boredom, evil genius social skills and possible bouts of drunkenness (my description is basically based off the Social Network paired with the obvious influence Mandark from Dexter's Lab had on him. But of course, this is all speculation.) Produced a tool that 500 million friends and counting use all the time to keep in contact or for the majority of users "lurk" one another.

He has created the most accessible and easiest way for people who have fallen out of touch, are too shy to use a fucking phone, or those who have just barely met, to become "friends" and receive a rather intimate view of each others' lives.

Let's be honest, Facebook is a voyeur's dream, a secretive person's nightmare, a stalker's playground and the majority of the Red, White and Blue(aka the U.S.)/ the world (not China but props Commies) can't seem to get enough.

Long story short, good old Zuck, the advertising companies and their clients, (hint: every corporate American company) are in bed together, and they bathe in our money.

I do have to say kudos to you, Zuckerberg, you control the media, (every journalism outlet relies on you,plugs FB on their page,etc.,) the government is obviously your BFFL and well, every ad firm in the country better yet the world pays you the BIG BUCKS. Fucking shit, you are a P-I-M-P, playa.

So as much as I do loathe your business and ethical practices, I still use your product, dare I say your brainchild, all the time and so does everyone else.

My tribute to you Zuckeroo:

(Zuck's fellow puppetmaster, HOV..baby baby)

Long Live Hunter.

**Editor notes: Apparently music videos have to be censored?wtf? Ridiculous. What I've learned to do is basically mute youtube and play it on iTunes, works pretty nicely. Sucks if you don't have BP in your library...loser

Do Yourself a Favor and Experience this Shit!

I didn’t sleep on Friday night; I was too excited. My alarm went off at 8, but I was wired already. My roommates decided to go out that night, so they were hung-over and sleeping. Time to get up you stupid motherfuckers! I wake up, go directly to my refrigerator, pull out a nice little plastic baggy with two tabs of acid in it and down the rabbit hole I go. The next couple of hours are a blur: there’s a breakfast in there somewhere, some television, and the sound of some familiar songs from my childhood, but it’s nothing but a blur.

Then I’m there. Where? There. Where? FUCKING DISNEYLAND BITCHES!

LOLZ. Now that I’ve done with that whole eerie, creepy buildup to my destination, you know I’m the fucking happiest person in the world. And for those of you who have yet to cream your panties, IT”S MY FIRST TIME EVER. YAY! (insert ejaculatory scream here)

Disneyland is truly the most magical place on earth. Add a head full of acid and a pill of what we’ve now decided was cat tranquilizer, and you literally will explode with the magical-ness of it all. I know I did.

We spent over 12 hours at Disneyland which consisted of: Space Mountain…Twice, Lollipops, Alcohol, a scary run in with a drug dog, The Tiki Tiki Room, 5 trips back and forth between Disneyland and California Adventure, multiple Mickey hats, fireworks, 2 moment’s where I cried (which never happens), and the most amazing explosion of color and Disney (World of Color) to end the night.

It literally changed my life; it’s a magical place that only believes in happy endings and cotton candy. Everyone is happy, everyone is dressed up, everyone is either 40 or 4, and everyone shares the communal experience of being at the most amazing place on the planet. It was surprisingly busy last Saturday (I forgot about spring break), but the well-oiled machine that is Disney made me and my best friends feel like we were the only people there, or at least the only people who mattered.

I entered Disneyland that day as a 20-year-old college student who never understood what Disney means to be people and it’s power as one of the most identifiable brands in the world. I left an exhausted, strung out, 5 year old, high on a combination of life and the drugs I’d been taking all day, with a new understanding of Disney and everything it represents. I won’t spoil anything for you people who haven’t been because you have to experience it for yourself. But I had the most magical day at the most magical place in the world, and if you haven’t given yourself that gift…KILL YOURSELF! Or go… NOW BITCHES!

howmanyhuntersarethere

Could it Be?!...Will He Really Leave??

"O-L-I-G-A-R-H-Y." –misspelling "oligarchy" on his chalk board while claiming he had deciphered a secret code that he said was proof President Obama was trying to create an "Oligarhy," Aug. 27, 2009, Glenn Beck show on FOX News Channel

This just in... Glenn Beck is set to leave his daily show on Fox News by the end of this year.

Glory, Glory Hallelujah. There really is hope in this doomed world.

For the past 2 years Buster Beck has been infiltrating our homes and lives with his nonsense and historically incorrect claims. I mean this yahoo has actually rewritten history and sold it to his inept viewers as Truth. The blasphemy! The Horror...the HORROR.

It's clear I dislike this guy but to ensure you hold the same opinion as me, here's a clip from his show that was actually aired on cable news. Mind you, the clip with commentary is from Keith Olbermann's Show (No problem whatsoever with Big O, his commentary is funny yet informative because...oh wait he actually KNOWS American History):

Sadly, all is not fair in war and media and Beck will produce shows for "Nazi News" oh excuse me I meant Fox News.

Anyways, its not like I watch the channel anyways, its not "Fair and Balanced" as its slogan purports but rather "Bias and One-Sided"

Unfortunately, only half of the news watching population of the Star Spangled States agree with me. According to a poll by Public Policy, Fox News is not trusted by 46% of Americans and trusted for credibility by 42% .

Ugh... too close for comfort for me.

Yet, it was still a glorious day knowing Glenn Beck's face will no longer disgrace TV sets in homes throughout the country.

Long Live Hunter.

Pardon the Interruption... There Was Business to be Handled

They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There's a difference." ~Bill Hicks

Excuse my absence, my education at the USC has overtaken my personal life. This past week consisted of editing packages, NO sleep, laboring over my Constitutional Law midterm and intermittent mental breakdowns to cope with the amount of stress I was under. These burdening factors consequently made me neglect my Gone Gonzo duties.

Yet, there was light at the end of the tunnel and it was in the form of HempCon.

Yes, HempCon a convention at the LA Convention Center for marijuana enthusiasts and stoners alike.

Despite the large neon pink and yellow posters and huge billboards around town to garner large crowds, the stoner population is hard to get out of the house. Thus, the turnout on Friday night was rather lousy.

The event was entertaining and with the low turnout I received more attention from vendors... needless to say I was quite amused.

The legalization of marijuana in California has been a long and treacherous road but the stoners, patients and activists have prevailed and Hempcon was a fine example of their success.

Due to my altered state of reality I partook in the festivities, buying everything from a Rasta cap, to Dope on a Rope (it's soap) and even a 40's poster with a stereotypical clean-cut white man surrounded by the words "Mind if I smoke? Dope Made Me the Man I Am Today" (oh the irony)

For the James Bond sneaky smokers there were pipes disguised as highlighters, stash cans which were actually hollowed out Pepsi cans and even...well actually I forgot. (no pun intended)

Moving on, Hempcon displayed the very finest of glassware, medical doctors and of course go-go weed girls persuading you to go to their clubs wearing alluring, sexy yet tasteful outfits. ( Unfortunately, even I gave into their antics)

From Jamaicans to white boys, all were welcome with open arms to this year's Hempcon and of course all attendees shared one thing in common... the notion that Marijuana Prohibition is absurd.

That is all.

Long Live Hunter.

Photo: LA Weekly