Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Crook Who Killed the American Dream

"He said-since 1964, when he worked as a deputy prosecutor in Oakland and Berkeley, during the time of Great Confusion." ~HST quoting Ed Meese, author of the Attorney General's Commission on Pornography, 1986


The face of Gonzo Journalism, the late Hunter S. Thompson, authored pieces that provided intuitive and brilliant insight into the world of politics, the motorcycle gang Hell's Angels and the death of the American Dream.

ONE of my favorite pieces by the Godfather of Gonzo is an obiturary on former President and the epitome of a marginal man, Richard Milhouse Nixon.

The following is an excerpt from He was a Crook published in the Rolling Stone in 1994:

"Nixon's spirit will be with us for the rest of our lives -- whether you're me or Bill Clinton or you or Kurt Cobain or Bishop Tutu or Keith Richards or Amy Fisher or Boris Yeltsin's daughter or your fiancee's 16-year-old beer-drunk brother with his braided goatee and his whole life like a thundercloud out in front of him. This is not a generational thing. You don't even have to know who Richard Nixon was to be a victim of his ugly, Nazi spirit.

He has poisoned our water forever. Nixon will be remembered as a classic case of a smart man shitting in his own nest. But he also shit in our nests, and that was the crime that history will burn on his memory like a brand. By disgracing and degrading the Presidency of the United States, by fleeing the White House like a diseased cur, Richard Nixon broke the heart of the American Dream."

In two grafs, Thompson captured the essence of the Crook King and the skid mark he left on American politics.

Nasty Nix and his dirty tricks caused the American public to distrust their elected officials. His uber-conservative agenda and the swine that voted him into the most esteemed office in the US killed the most beautiful period in our society, the Love Generation.

Thompson couldn't have said it better, "Richard Nixon broke the heart of the American Dream."

This obit is only one of Thompson's works that exemplifies journalistic perfection. Thompson vividly captures not only Nixon's personality but also the lasting imprint he left on America.

All journalists, writers and the general public can learn something from Thompson. Take his words to heart, think about them. Look back at Nixon's policies on war and social programs. His harsh treatment on people (hippies, liberals etc.) who only wanted to raise consciousness in America, who wanted their American Dream to become a reality, was cruel and vindictive.

Long Live Hunter.


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Why America Sucks Large Deep Fried Oreo Balls!

The RTA is planning to change safety regulations on buses because Americans are getting so big that they can literally make an entire bus stop moving… so, basically, obesity is fucking out of hand.

According to the CDC, there are only 2 states in the entire country (Congrats Colorado and D.C.) that have less than 20% obesity rates for their populations. That has to be the saddest statistic ever. Though everyone from Michelle Obama to 50 Cent (no really, “Fiddy” is against obesity too!) has fought against obesity, it’s still not working…obviously. So what’s wrong? What are we as a nation doing wrong?

The answer is that we’re accommodating the issue we’re trying to fight. We’re making our seats bigger, and telling people that the burger they’re eating has 3,000 calories in it (Newsflash! They don’t care) instead of actually taking a serious stand against this problem.

Now, if you’re a hundred pounds overweight and can still manage to fit your ass into chair, I honestly could care less about the way you live your life (eat to your hearts content!). But when I hear things like “Oh, ma’am you’re too big to fit in one seat on this aircraft so you can just buy two tickets and then you will be fine” or “Sir, you’re so big that you make this bus literally unmovable, so we are just going to take a few people off so you can ride,” my stomach churns.

I don’t believe in accommodating a problem you are trying to solve, and that’s exactly what America is doing.

Here is a suggestion: let’s make our airplane seats smaller! Let’s make it illegal to serve anything that contains more than 25% of your Recommended Daily Value of fats, salts or sugars! Let’s put anyone whose kids have diabetes before they hit puberty in prison for child abuse! Let’s take some initiative!

I get that there is a fine line between solving a problem and discriminating against a population, but I really think it’s time to lay the smack down on obesity’s candy ass. Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? I’ll give you a hint…it’s not deep-fried!

- howmanyhuntersarethere

Elizabeth Taylor Dies, and with Her, so does Beauty

One of the world’s greatest beauties died this morning after a long battle with her health and I wondered, "was she a symbol for the death of all beauty in our society?"

As I look around and overhear my peers' conversations, I can’t help but think I am surrounded by shells of humans. I heard someone singing parts from that godawful Rebecca Black viral video, yet I leave my house dressed in Valentino and fur, as an ode to the death of Ms. Taylor. I heard nothing in class or around campus about the death of one of the most beautiful and glamourous icons in America.

Apple of Andy Warhol’s eye, and as a friend said, the “Goddess of Eyeliner,” Taylor’s death symbolizes the death of a lost American society that once championed glamour, beauty and class and would have scoffed at the “so-bad-they’re-good” movies, songs and reality TV shows that Americans seem to gobble up like a McDonald’s hamburger.

Taylor was from a time when the Academy Awards were not some kind of circus show with that hag Anne Hathaway and dresses recycled from a junior high dance à la Jennifer Hudson. But an event that celebrated the very best of American cinema and people who represented an ideal of American manners and style

Although Taylor starred in films such as, Cleopatra, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf and Giant, she was more than a movie star. Every woman wanted to be her and every man wanted to be with her. With deep set piercing blue eyes and brunette hair coiffed to perfection, she helped women strive to become the most beautiful and confident versions of themselves.

No one values her level of sophistication anymore. Somehow valuing beauty is seen as shallow and unnecessary but eating pounds and pounds of fast-food so that one is so fat and disgusting that they need two seats on a plane, well that's totally fine. The sub-human blobs that control the press say we should feel bad for those people and that they can't help bullshit. I blame this degradation of society partially on the loss of emphasis on beauty, appearance, and upkeep.

I feel a time of darkness awaits American society. The separation between people living only to watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and those of us trying to find something deeper is becoming more apparent.

I know that she died from “natural causes” but I cannot help but think that she could not bear to go on living in our dreary culture that is filled with Ice Road Truckers, 99 cent 1200 calorie meals, and meaningless apocalypse films such as, 2012 and Battle LA.

Maybe, subconsciously, we know the end is near....

And as for Elizabeth Taylor, she died, in my eyes, with diamonds in her hair and pearls wrapped around her neck.

Even if everyone gives up, decides to shop at Layne Bryant and wear slippers outside their house, I will stand here in pearls and diamonds and internalize her memory forever.

Dripped in diamonds, even in a wheel chair

RIP Elizabeth Taylor, you will be dearly missed.

- The Fashion Hunter

Sportswriter by Day...Pimp by Night

"There are a lot of better ways to spend the national holiday than hunkered down by yourself in the far corner of a white-plastic widebody 767 cabin, 37,000 feet over Utah, muttering into a tape recorder or making entries into a ledger. There is nothing stylish about it, nothing chic or trendy or hip." ~HST

It's a well-known fact that journalists don't go into the field for the money or for that matter, the glamour. No amount of pay can compensate the endless hours that go into each story, dealing with idiots who refuse to be interviewed and distilling the news into an article that the average McDonald's eating, WalMart going American citizen can understand. It's no easy job.

So when fellow journalist Kevin Provencher claimed he started a prostitution ring because of pay cuts, albeit I was disgusted, I wasn't surprised.

Provencher, who is in fact, an "award-winning sportswriter," argued to the judge that he was forced to start a prostitution ring because of the downturn in the print journalism industry and his pimping was "just a side job" to supplement his income.

Interesting argument.

Yes, the man blamed his affinity towards prostitutes and the life of a pimp because his day job wasn't paying enough.

Pimp Provencher interviewed each of his nightwalkers by making them have sex with him before he hired them. His girls were made to sleep with average joes in hotel rooms, pay for their own rooms AND give half their earnings to Provencher in cash or a direct deposit to his bank account.

His pimp hand must be strong.

Anyways, Pimp P was sentenced to 2 1/2 years in prison. He'll be out in no time to build his pimping empire in Mass.

Is Pimp P a pervert? Yes. Is he a delusional, sex-crazed, money-hungry pimp? Yes. But, does Pimp P prove that journalists are severely underpaid and are forced to go to extreme measures to make ends meet? YES.

As an aspiring journalist I now know that I can never live my lifelong dream of being both a journalist and a pimp without getting in trouble with the boys in blue.... good to know. Thanks Pimp P

Photo: AP
Long Live Hunter.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I'm a Fucking Masochist

Yesterday, while we were driving to dinner, Krista asked me to be a part of Gone Gonzo News. This is how our conversation went:

"What's Gone Gonzo News," I asked, "and why do you want me to help you with it?"

"We're writing about things we're interested in in the most descriptive and honest way possible. You know, like the godfather of gonzo journalism, Hunter S. Thompson."


"You should write something as soon as possible so we can have something from all of us by the end of the week!"


Krista was sitting in the backseat so she didn't notice the "WHAT THE FUCK?" look on my pained face. I started sweating so I awkwardly and frantically turned on the air conditioning.

"Squirrel! It's going to be so much fun!" she yelled as she looked out the window and imagined her world takeover.

"Ya, totally...I'm so excited."


Don't get me wrong, guys. I love Thompson and gonzo journalism. Also, I think that Krista's brainchild is brilliant. For a second, I was even like damn, why didn't I think of that? It wasn't Thompson or Krista's idea that made me cringe with was the idea of actually writing something.

You're probably wondering, what the fuck? This bitch is a Comparative Literature major, which means she plans on writing as a career, so why is she freaking out about writing about stuff she likes for a cause that she supports? I love writing, and it's a crucial component of my major. At the same time, however, I hate writing, and it literally is the bane of my existence. As my friends know, every time I write, I torture myself by sitting in front of the computer until I can't see the screen anymore. I cry, I whine, and I even threaten to kill myself.

"Squirrel! Don't kill yourself! Who will cook me dinner?" Krista would say.

Pft. Idiot. I would never kill myself, but the fact that I would rather hypothetically kill myself than write about Upton Sinclair's the Jungle and 20th century labor movements is something amazing and ridiculous in itself.

Then why, you might ask, do I continue to write? It's because at the end of the day, I don't want to have children so I use writing as an outlet to figuratively give birth. My work is so important to me that every word is truly a labor of love.

...Just kidding. LOL. It's because my name is Chloe, and I'm a fucking masochist. Duh.

Think Attention Whores...THINK

I came across this little ditty today:

“Nothing looks worse than a dress or a suit on a red carpet. It is an ongoing tragedy of cheap fashion on cheap celebrities, followed by ubercheap comments”

Hedi Slimane is fucking right. Celebrity Fashion SUCKS and whoever is running the show during awards season not only needs to be fired, but could also use a good punch in the gut (I know Rachel Zoe is pregnant and all, but still!) Where did all the imagination go? Or better yet, was there ever really any imagination there? Now, I’m not saying you need to do this:

Photo: India Forums

Or this:

Photo: The Richest

But I’d like to see people think a little bit more outside the box. I’m tired of seeing boring dress after boring dress after boring dress because people are afraid of getting put on the worst-dressed list. Apart from princesses, heiresses and Anna Dello Russo celebrities are really the only people that can truly afford really amazing gowns, remarkably standout pieces. Come on celebs…take a leap of style!

Buffoons...Every Last One of 'Em

Another one of the GOP busters is on a Christ Crusade and this time he's affected the lives of thousands. Today, in the obscure state of South Dakota, good ol' boy Gov. Dennis Daugaard signed a law that seriously inhibits a woman's right to an abortion. This heinous piece of legislation requires a woman to wait 3 whole days after talking to her doctor to have an abortion. AND she has to go to a bible thumping pregnancy clinic where Jesus obsessed lunatics persuade her to keep her baby. Of course, Daugaard didn't have the balls nor conviction to speak to the press after his signing ceremony. The bastard knows he's wrong.

Anyways, the perspicacious boys and girls that head Abortion Rights groups in South Dakota are already gearing up for a legal battle. The groups are in the beginning stages of filing suit against Daugaard and his cronies and they will win.

I say this because this case reminds me of a lesser known supreme court case Akron v. Akron Center for Reproductive Health.

Here's a quick overview: In 1978 Akron City Council passed a law much like Daugaard's, a woman had to wait 24 hours to have an abortion after speaking to her doctor and doctors were required to tell patients that the fetus was a human life the moment it was conceived. I smell bullshit and the Supreme Court justices did too. Grand Finale: the law was ruled unconstitutional. 1 for the good guys 0 for the crazies.

So if the good guys don't win this time say sianara to an America that isn't totally controlled by Jesus Freaks and right to life loonies.

Long Live Hunter. Down With the Buffoons.

Photo: KSFY

Monday, March 21, 2011

The Princess is in Fact, a Frog

Hello all you lovely readers out there. I will be reporting on world of fashion (if one can even call it that in this present time of crop tops worn with flabby bellies).

Well some of the news is good. Finally someone spoke out against this awful thing they call the future princess. Thats right, Kate Middleton.

ally, Matthew Williamson says what I have been thinking....well the nicer version of what I've been thinking..."Kate isn’t a fashion bunny. I don’t know why everyone in fashion is waiting to see what she wears. I’m, like, thinking: 'get over it.' "

I was thinking more along the lines of....

Kate Middleton is a commoner and therefore dresses like one. She's not only a SNORE and the pinnacle of mediocrity but she also dresses hideously. She is truly a disgrace to Princess Di's legacy of glamour and timeless beauty.

Let's Compare:

As you can see, I have proven my point with logic and reason. Just because someone gives you their beautiful and perfect dead mother's ring, does not mean you will miraculously turn into her.

So, Kate Middleton, will you please give up?

And, fashion industry, will you please stop assuming that the magical fashion fairy godmother will swoop in and turn her into a glamourous fashionista.

Sorry, wrong fairy tale. This is no goddamn Cinderella story. This is the Princess = Frog and I'm stickin to it.

-The Fashion Hunter

Politics...or Lack Thereof

Revolutions are springing up left and right creating chaos in the World of Journalism. The media doesn't know what the fuck to do. Revolutionaries, FREEDOM FIGHTERS, in Libya, Egypt, Bahrain and Yemen are overhauling their current fat cat governments and crying out in the streets for reform. These goons are actually living for something...seizing an opportunity for change and some semblance of a representative government. Amid this excitement of a new dawn around the world, the obese ridden population of America can't muster enough energy to get off their corpulent asses and actually do something. Yet while American citizens do nothing but incessantly consume useless entertainment news our big boys up in DC have gotten us into yet another war. That's right America's Military Industrial Complex has reared its ugly head once again. The air missile attack on Libya this past Saturday and Sunday is added to the laundry list of wars the US has started and failed to finish. With no end to this vain missile strike in sight, the educated populace in America must be wondering, "what the hell is going on? " Are we all doomed for obesity, brainlessness and bombs? With the current state of affairs the outlook is dim.

Long Live Hunter.


Introduction to Gone Gonzo News

Gone Gonzo is my brainchild. It was conceived the eve of March 20th during a roundtable discussion with my fellow bagheads Brandon and Tess. Somewhere between my sporadic bodily jerks and constant nagging dreadful anxiety over my dull and painful journalism assignment on the godforesaken swine filled city of Torrance I had a rare moment of genius....a news source that provided its audience with true Gonzo Journalism. A revival was needed in the yuppie controlled world of journalism and goddammit I was going to start it. So here it is. Gone Gonzo, stories brought to you by my faithful troupe of reporters. They not only promise but swore on oath that they will report the most important news with bias, honesty and vivid descriptions. Because, "after all we are professionals"

Long Live Hunter,